Afraid my ego will get me in trouble, any suggestions?

[Adomsky]

Hey everyone, I've been taking Krav Maga for about three to four months now, and I really really enjoy it. I started taking it because in highschool I recieved a lot of threats of people telling me they were going to either kick my ass, or in some cases, kill me. I was always super nervous when I went anywhere, afraid that I'd get into some kind of confrontation. When I started college I decided to sign up for Krav Maga, and have been working out and training regularly.

What I'm afraid of most is not having the ability to back down from a confrontation. So many times people have driven by me when I'm walking or hanging out with friends and shouted things at me, and now that I feel like I truly have the upper hand (which isn't even necessarily true), I'm afraid that I will snap and really hurt someone if they say anything to my face.

I'm not only afraid of legal ramifications and also the possibility of me being jumped or even losing the fight, but also afraid of \"teaching\" the moves to these people who will probably use them on others who are weaker than they are already.

Anyway, I'm hoping some of you know any ways for me to \"cool down\" from a situation like what i'm describing. thanks!

[jaeroo]

I feel the same way like you do as far as avoiding teaching hot-heads. There are some bad guy martial artists out there, although very rare. Make sure the ones you want to share information with are trustworthy. Choose your friends carefully. There is nothing cowardly about running away or avoiding it. You won't have to deal with him as well as the justice system. Fighting is always and always will be the last resort. Even if you are justified in defending yourself and are aquitted, the assailant can still sue you in civil court for damages (around $20,000). So this means saving enough money to pay for both legal and civil expenses. The only thing cowardly and foolish is being like that victim in that Akron, OH pizza incident dropping his guard and not taking action, whether running or fighting back, after getting clocked by that gorilla (just referring to his size, not race, so don't misinterpret). As far as the legal machine goes, don't ever count on a public defender. Find a reputable private lawyer who knows a lot about self-defense laws (ex=Mr. Whitman himself) and consult with him/her about any questions you might have. As said before, the legal machine is a very complex entity and is hard to interpret. Always assume that in a street situation an assailant as well as his/her friends are armed. So watch their hands and avoid being focused just on that one person (called \"tunnel vision\") and always fight dirty. Also when training in Krav or any other self-defense system, never be afraid to ask questions as well as keeping an open mind. Start developing your mindset. When out in public, never be in condition \"white\", which is being unaware of everything around you. Always be in condition \"yellow\". It's a jungle out there! You see it in the news everyday. You are either a victim waiting to happen or an alert and assertive urban warrior. Hope this helps. Good luck. Keep up the good work.

[keeiii]

A longtime friend of mine who by the way is now in his 50ís took a martial art in the Chicago suburb of Cicero. While in high school, he also felt that he could take on just about anyone. So he would go out in a very tough area and look to get into fights. Which he would find easily. He did this for a while and then one day his instructor was shot dead in a fight. My friend never got into another fight.

[Heath]

Hi I am Deaf and communicate via American Sign Language. Throw your ego out the window that will get you killed in the street. Learn to be humble and learn self control and self discpline. Have a strong mind and a strong will. How do you think I got this far in life ??? I learn from another people's mistakes also how do you think I deal with those types of people?? I just walk away from the bad people and if they assault me then I defend myself and they are going to have to explain to the judge why they assaulted a disabled person because they are looking at 50 years in prison for assaulting a Deaf man or a disabled member of the community. As for teaching They can go sign up for classes if they really want to learn self defense. Teach just your immediate family and a few trusted friends. There are bad guys out there that we don't need them to be taught. They are nothing but idiot punks with nothing good to do with their time or motivation for life, job future goals etc. They just want to throw it all away. As for the legal system, If you have to defend yourself then that comes with the terroritory. I just hope you have the right reasons and motivation in mind. No body likes to be bullied. I understand that 100% but have you considered that the bullies , at least the very dangerous smart and punk bullies that are really a**holes and very hated know how to turn the legal system and take legal steps to their advantage if you decide to lose control of yourself or your ego in that fight. After all they might have been through the legal system before and are just a**holes thinking they can get away with it again and again eventually their time will come to an end , what that end maybe I do not know for as far as I am concerned it is either a trip to the emergency room with life changing conquensces or long term prison or the grave which is the saddest of all a waste of their own life. So learn for yourself and value your freedom and love life. I hope this helps.

[Adomsky]

i wanted to make the point that i DIDN'T want to \"teach\" these moves to anyone by using them on them.

i'm not looking for fights, i joined krav maga because they always seemed to come to me, and i'm looking for a way to NOT get into a fight if someone tries to provoke me. i'm 18 years old, and i just feel like if i run away from someone calling me a fag or pussy or something similar, i'm just giving them the idea that its okay to do that, and they'll keep on doing it to other people. how do i fight the urge to just lay into one of these guys next time they say something to me?

[Crikey]

Adomsky, as you go through life you will learn that the supply of obnoxious, ignorant people is infinite, and even if you were Superman and could beat up every creep you encountered, there would be 10 more to fill their place. Moreover, getting beaten up is unlikely to turn a creep into a considerate human being. If they become too scared to pick on adults for fear of running into a martial artist in disguise, they'll pick on kids or animals, whoever is weak and available.

You must learn to rise above the taunts of stupid people who, when you think about it, are only displaying their own insecurities when they taunt other people, especially strangers whom they know nothing about. Fighting should be reserved for when you have no alternative, for when it's your physical safety or the safety of others you care about. And as others have said here, it's a dangerous world filled with too many amoral people who will not hesitate to pull out a knife or gun and slay you, even if you back off and apologize for any offense you may have caused them.

As for that ego of yours, I have a feeling that as soon as you begin fight class and spar with someone who is a better fighter than you, your ego will suddenly take a backseat to your sense of self-preservation, when you'll learn that, 1) fighting is tough, and getting hit hurts, 2) you're not as good as you think you are, and 3) a real fight is for real stakes (you might get killed, you might get crippled, you might lose your teeth, etc), so why seek out such a potentially dangerous experience? From there, Grasshopper, grows wisdom.
:)

[Anonymous]

Adomsky,

Check out www.fastdefense.com

[rosie]

It's not your role to teach obnoxious people how to behave, or to punish anyone just for being a jerk, if they present no physical threat to you. If you think you should be allowed to judge and sentence someone for calling you names, then you're just as bad as they are. Everyone feels that temptation, but you have to resist it by thinking that you're not going to stoop to their level.

[Andre]

Adomsky, if you can teach an assailent Krav by using it on them, I have a job for you. :)
That said, it should be the least of your worries.

[KMtakinKM]

I agree with Cricky about the 3 steps for self preservation.

I practiced TKD for a few years wrestled in High School so I came in with a similiar attidute (wanting to be the meanest bear in the woods). However, the important thing that my Slight-looking instructor (who is very a talented KM teacher as well as a very BADA$$) taught me is the \"nike defense (walking or running away) is a viable option as your life is worth it. No need for the macho BS as there is ALWAYS someone out there that is meaner than you - he showed me!!!

We have seen Van Damme and Segal doing MA on TV and think that all fights are like that in the real world. Spar with a Level 3 or higher and this will give you dose of reality that even the folks that do not look mean CAN be. (I had a very smallish Level 3 woman give me my reality after about 4 months of KM).

Have enough confidence in yourself to walk away. I have learned that the best reaction is no reaction as it takes the power away from them and then you have control. Only if they physically confront you should you take action - this includes the option of walking away.

Get through your Level 1 test and then reevaluate yourself. I think your mindset will change. If not then you are bound to get hurt.

[Armor All]

Just to echo what a lot of other people are saying - get some sparring in, and train, train, train. Actually getting hit a good number of times will beat the humility into you, pun intended. And as you get more confident in being able to take it, as well as being able to dish it out, your impulses to needlessly expend energy on some tool who is nowhere near your league will greatly diminish.

Also take great pleasure that the tools who are picking on you now will probably end up in a bad place in life a few years from now; karma has a funny way of righting the wrongs. Although, a few do happen to become CEO's of companies or politicians (like the brawling, biggoted idiot who \"represents\" my district...).

[Anonymous]

If you can, walking away is probably the best option. Legally, if someone is just calling you names, you wouldn't have the right to hit him, that could get you in trouble. So, if it's just some stranger driving or walking by, shouting something, just ignore him.

If it's a situation where the same person keeps harrassing you (bully) and you feel the need to confront him to put a stop to it, if he says something to you, be confident, look right at him and ask him why he is bothering you. Be direct, firm, depending on the situation you could even be friendly, which would surely confuse the bully and at the same time show that you are not afraid of him. Who knows, you might even be able to draw him into a conversation? If that doesn't seem possible and you want to be more aggressive, you could try the good old \"What's your problem?\". You can be aggressive if you feel you need to be, but try not to be provocative (\"Your mother is a whore!\", that sort of thing), that might just lead to a shouting match or even a physical confrontation, which you should always try to avoid if you can. You could then firmly tell him to stop bothering you or the like and then walk away. That way you would have gotten your point across. If he still comes after you and tries to hit you or something like that and you have to hit him back in self-defense, at least now witnesses will tell the police that you told the guy to leave you alone, that you tried to walk away but he came after you anyway and you had no choice but to hit back.

I think appearing confident is very important in that type of situation. Maybe the reason people select you to pick on is that you appear insecure and that bullies think you are someone they can push around. As soon as they find out they are mistaken, they will probably leave you alone.

There is an interesting article in this month's Grappling magazine, an interview with Helio Gracie. He's 92 now, but even when he was younger he weighed only about 140 pounds. He describes two different situations in which he was confronted by someone, who threatened to hit him. He basically just told the guy, calmly, to just go ahead and hit him. He was very confident in his fighting skills and knew if the guy tried to hit him, he would be able to beat him. In both instances, the guy backed down, sensing his confidence and getting scared off by it. So, confidence can scare a lot of bullies off, but of course if you should dare someone to hit you, you better have the skills to back it up.

[CaliWT]

Originally Posted by \"Giantkiller\"

......... He basically just told the guy, calmly, to just go ahead and hit him. He was very confident in his fighting skills and knew if the guy tried to hit him, he would be able to beat him. In both instances, the guy backed down, sensing his confidence and getting scared off by it. So, confidence can scare a lot of bullies off, but of course if you should dare someone to hit you, you better have the skills to back it up.

this is so true!!!! Many of my students have this, I can fight now so I am gona show up all those bullys after a few months of class attitude. They maybe able to surprize a mugger or rapist, but they are not ready to square off and say, \"Make my day!\" When they are this skilled, they no longer want to go proving themselves anymore!!!

So as the quote says, if you have this real confidence, it will scare them off. Real skill shows threw. But if not, you are better avoiding fights, and if trouble starts, surprize them!!!

[CLFMak]

If you think you may get into fights, be very aware of carrying a weapon. If you think you may be drawn into fights, carrying a weapon can be a bad idea, especially knives and guns. They will get you in a world of legal trouble.
Another thing to remember- as martial artists who train often, we like to think that people who make challenges and such are bullies, but are really weak, cowardly people. Well, remember that a lot of them can still mangle you. Maybe they're bigger than you. Or maybe they're mentally unstable and won't stop until their thumb is jammed in your brain. Or maybe they have a weapon, or some friends you don't see. Maybe you're facing a Taxi Driver type, who holds his hand over a stove to build up pain tolerance. Maybe he spends an hour or two every day hitting a heavy bag, even though he has no formal training (like my brother). You never know who you're dealing with. These people probably won't confidently goad you into fighting unless he thinks he can win, and he thinks he can win for some reason.

I don't think much of the \"teaching them moves\" worry. If someone wants to learn fighting techniques, they have better ways. There are all kinds of books about MMA, hand to hand combat, combat sports and martial arts. They could learn pretty much any basic krav move by watching MMA. Fights are not like old kung fu movies- they won't learn your style by fighting you. If they wanted to learn effective techniqes, they could just go out and buy Get Tough. Or, better yet they could find things like the Army Combatives Manual online. If you look at the thread about brachial stuns, there's a link of techniqes that are all sentry killing techniques- how to sneak up on someone and murder them with a knife. A little research and a little training could teach you all about armed and unarmed fighting techniques. Another reason not to get in fights- you never know who you're dealing with.

Side Note about bad martial artists- In various times in China, there have been efforts to restrict certain kung fu styles because they were being used by the criminal element against cops (namely wing chun).

[Jops]

In my opinion, which counts for squat, I think that avoiding confrontation is more fun than fighting. My reasons are:

1) Anyone can fight, it takes a real gentleman to show restraint. This usually makes the other person look like a fool. Be on guard, but show restraint.

2) It's the quiet people you have to worry about. Yes, we see many examples of fights where people are getting in each others faces. However, if You KNOW you have the skills to defeat someone it should be used as a last resort.

3) Isn't it more fun to make them think? For example, if they are trying to intimidate you, use this approach (do not use this if they are angry). If they say something like \"You little piece of S#$#!!! I'm going to kick your A%@!\".... Calmly smile at them and say something like, \"You can try but it's going to cost you...\" Put some doubt in their mind....It shows confidence and it shows them that they may lose something by attempting to hurt you. You'd be surpised to see how many people cower after this one because they have to \"think\".

4) This goes hand in hand with #1. It's more challenging to psychologically spare with someone than it is phisically. While any dullard can hurl insults at you and drive off, it takes somewhat of an intellect to come up with something crafty. They do your Krav drills for a reason. You are dead tired and don't want to go any further, yet you are still kicking and punching... Why? It's to get you to think my friend. If you don't think you are dead. The same applies here. Learn to be psychologically sharp as well as physically. You will learn as you get more aged/salted that there is always someone meaner, bigger, badder, etc. Live to fight another day my friend.

[CaliWT]

What? Wing Chun used against cops!!! Maybe that is why it can be done with cuffs and shackles on :D. That was way back though, Master Yip Man was a dectective and taught a group of dectectives in modern times.

I have always heard that the open hand chop was illegal in California but have never varified it. It was said that after the Billy Jack movies alot of people where getting chopped in the neck and :shock: :oops: really hurt!!!

[Heath]

Another thing to remember- as martial artists who train often, we like to think that people who make challenges and such are bullies, but are really weak, cowardly people. Well, remember that a lot of them can still mangle you. Maybe they're bigger than you. Or maybe they're mentally unstable and won't stop until their thumb is jammed in your brain. Or maybe they have a weapon, or some friends you don't see. Maybe you're facing a Taxi Driver type, who holds his hand over a stove to build up pain tolerance. Maybe he spends an hour or two every day hitting a heavy bag, even though he has no formal training (like my brother). You never know who you're dealing with. If they wanted to learn effective techniqes, they could just go out and buy Get Tough. Or, better yet they could find things like the Army Combatives Manual online. If you look at the thread about brachial stuns, there's a link of techniqes that are all sentry killing techniques- how to sneak up on someone and murder them with a knife. A little research and a little training could teach you all about armed and unarmed fighting techniques. Another reason not to get in fights- you never know who you're dealing with.

I also wanted to add to this post that ... I have seen and met people who ignore alots of the advice on what to do and turn the game around on you both physically mentally those ones are truly the dangerous ones you got to watch out for. If you tried every bit of piece like walk away , make him think and stuff like that. These guys are not accountable to the police or the court system or God. They do not care if they live or die nor do they care if you live or die either. This is another reason why not to brag how tough you are because pretty soon you will meet various people some who will stop at that advice you learned to stop the bad guy or meet the one who goes past the advice you were given and goes ahead and beats you up to death. I know it is human nature to brag how tough you are but there is gonna always be some one much meaner badder and more dangerous than you. I also learned from those military manuals. They help alots of Deaf people defend their lives against violent crime not just Krav Maga but from American Israeli and Russian hand to hand combat etc. So it does not pay to want to try and beat somebody up. You never know this 140 lb. guy destroys this 280 lb. guy in a matter of mere seconds and he looks like a nerdy type somebody you can run all over and control him till he has had enough and learn those things. That is my point and why many Deaf people are fed up with evil and cruel men and go out learn these things then eventually they come to a point in their life when they realize THERE IS GONNA BE SOMEONE ALWAYS BIGGER BADDER AND MEANER MORE DANGEROUS. so be humble enjoy life don't worry about those idiotic punks who want to ruin everybody's good day. Once you accept this fact and are able to control yourself a whole alots better through self discpline and controlling yourself then life gets a whole alots more easier :D and that is why you do good to anothers as you would want to be treated good or except bad results from people ( I know even if you do good some people are just plain a**holes ) SO ENJOY LIFE !!!

[Adomsky]

thanks for all the input guys, i really appreciate it.



although, i think some of you are taking this the wrong way....i don't WANT to fight...i certainly don't go around picking fights or acting tough, i'm just afraid if someone comes up to me and says something (which happens a lot) that i'll immediately want to fight...but after reading this i think i'm going to have more restraint. thanks guys!