A Krav Maga Christmas poem

[maskedkat]

DISCLAIMER: I’ve been drinking Mimosas, so if my iambic pentameter starts slipping toward the end, you know why.

From me to y’all… Merry Christmas!

******************************************
‘Twas the day before Christmas, and in the mall lot
I walked to my car with stuff I had bought

Game boys and I-pods and swanky apparel
Brought to my mind a fond Christmas carol

With all good things Christmas filling my mind
I paid little heed to the footsteps behind

For why should I worry or feel any fear
At this, the most magical time o’ the year?

Clicking the button and popping the trunk,
A loud voice behind yelled, \”GIVE US THAT JUNK!\”

Whirling ’round quickly and raising my guard,
I took in 3 hoodlums, tattoo’d and scarred

The one with a Mohawk was bustin’ a sag
And greedily eyeing my Nordstom’s bag

\”Hand it over! Hand it over! Give it up now!\”
Demanded the one with the stud in his brow

Straight out of \”Deliverance\” the third one seemed
‘Twas greed, not intelligence, with which his eyes gleamed

Minding my lessons, I just dropped my bag
Rememb’ring that life is more precious than swag

Hoping they’d leave without any more fuss,
Mohawk then snarled, \”You’re coming with us!\”

A Glock to my forehead soon sprang into view
And thanks to my training, I knew what to do

A twist to the side, and I dodged the first blow
Then landed my own – no time to be slow!

Controlling the weapon was next on my list,
I clamped down like a python, thus trapping his wrist

He howled with surprise as I busted his grip
He howled no more when I emptied the clip!

No, no – nothing lethal! I have too much class
Just a few flesh wounds on his sag-busting ass

Deliverance and Brow-Stud made the next move,
But I was full into my Krav Maga groove

When Deliverance tried to lay hands upon me,
I doubled him over, courtesy my left knee

Hammerfists, elbows I brought into play
He must have been thinking, \”This just ain’t my day!\”

My training was working – hey, whaddaya know!
I snarled at Brow-Stud, \”Two down, one to go!\”

My hands and feet flying, adrenaline-driven
No quarter was asked, and none would be given

He went to the ground and I got in his guard
Now punch away, punch away, punch away hard!

With blood on my knuckles and luck on my side,
I gathered my treasures and got in my ride

But they heard me exclaim as I drove out of sight,
\”MERRY CHRISTMAS, MUTHAF****S! THANKS FOR THE FIGHT!!\”

[mara-jade]

OMG..ROFLMAO – This is friggin hysterical! I gotta send my other KM mates over to this. 😀

Thanks for giving me a great laugh

[noonian]

NIIIIIICE!!!!! 😀

Not that I encourage drinking and rhyming – but that was great!!! Have another Mimosa over New Year’s and let’s see what you come up with!

Really really cool!! 😀

[maskedkat]

Thanks! Glad you liked it.

[anonymous]

Yes, that was nice. Real life story? 😉

_________________
Giantkiller

[maskedkat]

Oh, hell no! I hate malls.

[Author]

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