Getting rid of old habits

[jdr-stw]

I participated in my first seminar yesterday. The guys were in full suits and our object was to use enough force to get them off of us and get out. I learned a few things about myself and I am looking for feedback on how to best remedy these issues.

1) I was a bit scrappy when I was younger, but it was fighting with no real skills…just brute force and a bad temper. I’m 5’9, so I almost always held the size advantage with other females. I would usually get my heel behind their ankles and push them over, then use my weight and height to keep them there.

I KNOW this is not the effective way for me to deal with a 250 pound man (why I’m taking these classes in the first place), but it is exactly what I regressed to yesterday.I was able to accomplish what I needed to, but I think only because these guys weren’t genuinely trying to hurt me. I was also at a very high stress level. The whole thing had a triggering effect that I didn’t think I would experience, so maybe that also made a difference.

When I am doing class drills, I am able to replicate the defenses and counter-attacks wih reasonable accuracy with a partner. But I feel like I lost all of that the second I stepped up to wait for the attack yesterday. How do I break this habit?

2) I think both my punches and strikes are pretty hard, but my reflexes are slow and my coordination is not so great. Can you suggest drills that will improve these things? I am doing Bas Rutton’s tape, but I need to work harder on this if I want to improve.

Thanks.

[cjs-dad]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

Work slower not faster. My students will tell you I have a mantra I preach.

Slow is smooth
Smooth is accurate
Accurate is deadly

I don’t need you to be fast, I need you to be perfect. Speed will come.

Slow down to a 10 not 100
Watch yourself and your “tracking” in the mirror and learn to be your own advocate.

You know what its supposed to look like, if that’s not what you see in the mirror – fix it.

[jdr-stw]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

CJD,

Thank you so much for taking time to respond. This makes a lot of sense, and it is something I am actively trying to remember to do in classes and when I practice at home. I will focus on it more now.

Yesterday was different though. It was a women’s self-defense course, and at the end each female stepped forward, closed her eyes, and waited for the attack. You weren’t supposed to open your eyes until he made contact. You were either being pushed into a vehicle, against it, or onto the ground. Your job was to fight the attacker off and break free (they were wearing full protection suits and helmets, so full force was ok here).

I did what I was supposed to do in terms of getting him off of me, but I didn’t do it the way I have been training to do it. I didn’t freeze, but it was like everything I have been doing and learning flew out the window and I just went with whatever came to mind. I know I threw knees and elbows, and I know I threw right hooks, but I also used head-butting (which I have been told is a no-go) and more wrestling than I should have with someone his size. I think if he hadn’t been a friendly and this were real life I would have been hurt pretty badly.

I’m just a disappointed in how I reacted. I thought I would do a lot better than this. The only reason I am taking these classes is because my little girl is with me 99% of the time. She is only four and can’t even get her car seat unbuckled to run for help. I don’t have room to make mistakes if someone tries to hurt me or her, you know?

In the meantime, I will work harder on slowing it down and getting it right in training. Thanks again…I really appreciate the time you take to answer questions here.

[don]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

I’ve heard it said (and YMMV) that it can take hundreds, if not thousands of repetitions of a technique or movement (or series of movements) for it to become ingrained into your muscle memory and be a reflexive response to stimulus. And that is if your cup is empty (i.e. you don’t know anything or haven’t trained anthing).

If your cup is full or partially full, in order to overcome/replace whatever it is you’ve already learned/practiced, all else being equal, you’re going to have to invest even more effort in training the new stuff than the time/energy you put into the stuff you used to do/train…

[jdr-stw]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

quote Don:

I’ve heard it said (and YMMV) that it can take hundreds, if not thousands of repetitions of a technique or movement (or series of movements) for it to become ingrained into your muscle memory and be a reflexive response to stimulus. And that is if your cup is empty (i.e. you don’t know anything or haven’t trained anthing).

If your cup is full or partially full, in order to overcome/replace whatever it is you’ve already learned/practiced, all else being equal, you’re going to have to invest even more effort in training the new stuff than the time/energy you put into the stuff you used to do/train…

Ugh. Thanks Don. At home I have only been doing the Rutten workout series, but I did buy the yellow Krav book and have read it but not while practicing. Sounds like I know what my warm-up should be now.

[jdr-stw]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

One other question while we are on the topic of the seminar. I know the whole idea is to “get out”, but what if you have a small child with you? I have always told her to run away from what is going on and get help, but if we were approached when entering or exiting the vehicle she isn’t strong enough to unbuckle her harness (we are trying, but she isn’t there yet). On top of that, I’m distracted when I’m getting her out of the car because I am leaning in to unbuckle her and probably would not see someone come up behind me.

It isn’t just the idea of them taking the car with her in it, it’s that if things went south there is a kid in a car seat in an area where temps surpass 100 degrees in the vehicle in seconds. Thoughts?

[cjs-dad]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

Good question for her;

https://www.facebook.com/trainwithjarrett?fref=ts

http://jarrettarthur.com/

Shes a good friend and a KMWBB, she runs a program called “Don’t mess with mama”

Hit her up~

[jarrettarthur]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

Hi @Jdr_stw! (And thanks @CJs Dad for looping me in.) Glad to be a part of this important conversation.

I have a whole bunch of thoughts, but I’ll try hard to spare you the novel in my head I’ve got going on right now (no promises though).

1) And this is the most important point I’m going to make, so really try to hear this please. YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT! You’ve taken it upon yourself to learn how to protect you and your daughter. You’re practicing diligently, taking classes, attending workshops, analyzing defenses, thinking about scenarios, and processing possibilities. Regardless of HOW you fought back against the padded attacker in the seminar, you fought your ass off and got away (and based on the strikes you report landing, it sounds like you kicked some serious butt). As a perfectionist, I totally understand the tendency to nitpick every single defense apart, but it’s this black and white thinking that is the most dangerous mindset of all. When we start getting into the “should” “must” “have to” territory we are truly setting ourselves up for a catastrophe, because street fights don’t work that way. They will RARELY go as you’ve planned for them in your head. Therefore, flexible “gray” thinking is what we really want to see from our students; students who can adapt, adjust, and create openings and opportunities in the moment. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t strive to be the best you can be, and you shouldn’t push hard to grow and learn, of course you should, but I’m reading a lot of pretty harsh self-corrections, and almost no self-acknowledgement for how freakin’ awesome you’re doing!!

2) Just because you didn’t execute the techniques you trained on executing doesn’t mean that you did anything incorrectly. I had a student who trained almost exclusively on palm heel strikes with me, but threw a punch when she got jumped on the street. She went home safe that night. We don’t care what comes out of you in the moment as long as it’s aggressive and succeeds in getting you and your daughter home safely. Yes, we want (especially as women) to have the cleanest and most powerful striking possible in order to overcome the size disparity, but aggression can and does overcome HUGE gaps in technical knowledge on the street. Remember why people are most often chosen…because the attacker believes he’ll (or she’ll) get away with it. Responding with aggression quickly (without freezing) is the single best defense you can offer in most scenarios. And to me, it sounds like did a fantastic job of doing just that in the seminar.

3a) Ok, now to the meat of the question. You’re with a small child and you’re attacked. In my eyes, there is absolutely no worse scenario than this. And once again, here is where “gray” thinking is necessary. Unfortunately there are no real formulas for successful self-defense. There are a ton of factors that go into deciding how to respond. For instance, let’s say you’re not dealing with vehicle loading/unloading but on the street with her. I know you said that you teach her to run for help but here are some things to consider: if the attacker seems more interested in her than you I would suggest not having her run, same thing if there are multiple attackers. Where’s the nearest safe place or person? Can she get there fast enough or without fatiguing en route? How well does she know how to locate a safe place/person if an unfamiliar location? Have you had this conversation with her frequently? Have you practiced this? As in, when you say “run” (or some other code word for run), she practices running to a pre-determined location. There are really a lot of considerations to make and I’d encourage you not to assume that having her run for help is going to be the best option as long as she’s not in her carseat. It might be, but it also might not be.

3b) One very simple, and surprisingly effective technique you can start using right away is to get into the habit of looking over your shoulder every 5-10 seconds when you’re loading her into the car. This is in addition to being extra aware as you approach your car (quick look underneath, through the windows into the backseat/hatchback, on the far side of the car, etc.). Sometimes when I’m loading my nephew (15 months) into the car and he’s being extra squirrely so it’s taking me longer, I climb into the backseat, close and lock the door behind me, and then buckle him in from there.

3c) I like your thinking about the hot car scenario. If your daughter is mature enough to understand this conversation, might I suggest getting a window breaker and keeping it in a safe place inside the car, but teaching her how to break the window from the inside as long as it was safe outside to do so. If you see a threat coming while you’re loading her, you can try to quickly unbuckle her before closing the door and turning to address the threat.

3d) The vehicle attack scenario. Lot of different factors go in to deciding (if you even have the choice) whether to climb into the car, close and lock the doors, and try to drive away quickly, or close the door behind you and fight just outside the door, or you might not even have the time in which case you might have to use the frame of the car to try and “attach” yourself to the vehicle, striking like crazy but shielding your daughter with your body.

So much for not writing a novel, huh? I talk about a lot of this stuff in my M.A.M.A. Self-Defense DVD, which is not a shameless plug for it, I promise. In fact, if you email me at [email protected] I’d be happy to send you one for free. I also share a lot more about this topic on my blog (http://www.jarrettarthur.com/blog) and Facebook page (@TrainWithJarrett). There’s a lot here and a lot to consider. It’s great that you’re working on all of this stuff, but it can get pretty overwhelming and downright scary if you get too deep. The real take home message from all of this, the stuff that will protect you and your daughter the MOST, is to (a) be aware of your surroundings and scan your environment periodically (b) if **** goes down just fight your ass off with whatever comes out of your body and (c) keep doing EXACTLY what you’re doing already, because you’re taking care of business perfectly. 🙂

Be safe and be well…

Jarrett

[tzrider]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

quote Jdr_stw:

2) I think both my punches and strikes are pretty hard, but my reflexes are slow and my coordination is not so great.

A lot of great input so far. On the above point, it’s easy to attribute a slow response to reflexes, when the problem is really something else. To react properly to an attack, you have to see the attack, recognize what it is and choose an appropriate response to it.

It takes repetition even to reliably determine what the attack is. To others’ points about going slower, those slow repetitions help train you to see various attacks for what they are. That’s the first step in having the right response.

Drilling the attacks of course also gives you needed repetitions on the responses. The more repetitions you have, the more quickly you will choose the right response.

Along similar lines, as a senior student in class last night, the instructor had the other students attack me by surprise with various weapons. Everything went the way I’ve drilled it until someone with a long gun rushed in and attacked with a butt-stroke instead of pointing the gun at me.

We don’t drill that scenario and as you might guess, I hesitated. Thinking about it afterward, I redirected the attack similarly to defending an overhead stick attack. It would have worked, I think, but then transitioning to a counter attack and disarm was awkward. I see I have room for improvement in generalizing various attacks to try to make faster decisions when someone attacks me a little differently than i have seen before. This wasn’t slow reflexes exactly, it was slow decision making because I was uncertain what I was dealing with.

[jdr-stw]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

quote CJs Dad:

Good question for her;

https://www.facebook.com/trainwithjarrett?fref=ts

http://jarrettarthur.com/

Shes a good friend and a KMWBB, she runs a program called “Don’t mess with mama”

Hit her up~

Thank you so much. I will be sure to do that.

[jdr-stw]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

quote JarrettArthur:

Hi @Jdr_stw! (And thanks @CJs Dad for looping me in.) Glad to be a part of this important conversation.

I have a whole bunch of thoughts, but I’ll try hard to spare you the novel in my head I’ve got going on right now (no promises though).

1) And this is the most important point I’m going to make, so really try to hear this please. YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT! You’ve taken it upon yourself to learn how to protect you and your daughter. You’re practicing diligently, taking classes, attending workshops, analyzing defenses, thinking about scenarios, and processing possibilities. Regardless of HOW you fought back against the padded attacker in the seminar, you fought your ass off and got away (and based on the strikes you report landing, it sounds like you kicked some serious butt). As a perfectionist, I totally understand the tendency to nitpick every single defense apart, but it’s this black and white thinking that is the most dangerous mindset of all. When we start getting into the “should” “must” “have to” territory we are truly setting ourselves up for a catastrophe, because street fights don’t work that way. They will RARELY go as you’ve planned for them in your head. Therefore, flexible “gray” thinking is what we really want to see from our students; students who can adapt, adjust, and create openings and opportunities in the moment. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t strive to be the best you can be, and you shouldn’t push hard to grow and learn, of course you should, but I’m reading a lot of pretty harsh self-corrections, and almost no self-acknowledgement for how freakin’ awesome you’re doing!!

2) Just because you didn’t execute the techniques you trained on executing doesn’t mean that you did anything incorrectly. I had a student who trained almost exclusively on palm heel strikes with me, but threw a punch when she got jumped on the street. She went home safe that night. We don’t care what comes out of you in the moment as long as it’s aggressive and succeeds in getting you and your daughter home safely. Yes, we want (especially as women) to have the cleanest and most powerful striking possible in order to overcome the size disparity, but aggression can and does overcome HUGE gaps in technical knowledge on the street. Remember why people are most often chosen…because the attacker believes he’ll (or she’ll) get away with it. Responding with aggression quickly (without freezing) is the single best defense you can offer in most scenarios. And to me, it sounds like did a fantastic job of doing just that in the seminar.

3a) Ok, now to the meat of the question. You’re with a small child and you’re attacked. In my eyes, there is absolutely no worse scenario than this. And once again, here is where “gray” thinking is necessary. Unfortunately there are no real formulas for successful self-defense. There are a ton of factors that go into deciding how to respond. For instance, let’s say you’re not dealing with vehicle loading/unloading but on the street with her. I know you said that you teach her to run for help but here are some things to consider: if the attacker seems more interested in her than you I would suggest not having her run, same thing if there are multiple attackers. Where’s the nearest safe place or person? Can she get there fast enough or without fatiguing en route? How well does she know how to locate a safe place/person if an unfamiliar location? Have you had this conversation with her frequently? Have you practiced this? As in, when you say “run” (or some other code word for run), she practices running to a pre-determined location. There are really a lot of considerations to make and I’d encourage you not to assume that having her run for help is going to be the best option as long as she’s not in her carseat. It might be, but it also might not be.

3b) One very simple, and surprisingly effective technique you can start using right away is to get into the habit of looking over your shoulder every 5-10 seconds when you’re loading her into the car. This is in addition to being extra aware as you approach your car (quick look underneath, through the windows into the backseat/hatchback, on the far side of the car, etc.). Sometimes when I’m loading my nephew (15 months) into the car and he’s being extra squirrely so it’s taking me longer, I climb into the backseat, close and lock the door behind me, and then buckle him in from there.

3c) I like your thinking about the hot car scenario. If your daughter is mature enough to understand this conversation, might I suggest getting a window breaker and keeping it in a safe place inside the car, but teaching her how to break the window from the inside as long as it was safe outside to do so. If you see a threat coming while you’re loading her, you can try to quickly unbuckle her before closing the door and turning to address the threat.

3d) The vehicle attack scenario. Lot of different factors go in to deciding (if you even have the choice) whether to climb into the car, close and lock the doors, and try to drive away quickly, or close the door behind you and fight just outside the door, or you might not even have the time in which case you might have to use the frame of the car to try and “attach” yourself to the vehicle, striking like crazy but shielding your daughter with your body.

So much for not writing a novel, huh? I talk about a lot of this stuff in my M.A.M.A. Self-Defense DVD, which is not a shameless plug for it, I promise. In fact, if you email me at [email protected] I’d be happy to send you one for free. I also share a lot more about this topic on my blog (http://www.jarrettarthur.com/blog) and Facebook page (@TrainWithJarrett). There’s a lot here and a lot to consider. It’s great that you’re working on all of this stuff, but it can get pretty overwhelming and downright scary if you get too deep. The real take home message from all of this, the stuff that will protect you and your daughter the MOST, is to (a) be aware of your surroundings and scan your environment periodically (b) if **** goes down just fight your ass off with whatever comes out of your body and (c) keep doing EXACTLY what you’re doing already, because you’re taking care of business perfectly. 🙂

Be safe and be well…

Jarrett

You are awesome. I can’t respond to this the way that it deserves at the moment, but there were so many great things suggested in here that for the moment all I can say is thank you. As a fellow novelist 😉, I know how long it takes to write something like this, and the amount of detail you’ve given is much appreciated. I will be in touch soon…I am really looking forward to getting to know you better on the forum.

Warmly,

J

[jdr-stw]

Re: Getting rid of old habits

quote tzrider:

A lot of great input so far. On the above point, it’s easy to attribute a slow response to reflexes, when the problem is really something else. To react properly to an attack, you have to see the attack, recognize what it is and choose an appropriate response to it.

It takes repetition even to reliably determine what the attack is. To others’ points about going slower, those slow repetitions help train you to see various attacks for what they are. That’s the first step in having the right response.

Drilling the attacks of course also gives you needed repetitions on the responses. The more repetitions you have, the more quickly you will choose the right response.

Along similar lines, as a senior student in class last night, the instructor had the other students attack me by surprise with various weapons. Everything went the way I’ve drilled it until someone with a long gun rushed in and attacked with a butt-stroke instead of pointing the gun at me.

We don’t drill that scenario and as you might guess, I hesitated. Thinking about it afterward, I redirected the attack similarly to defending an overhead stick attack. It would have worked, I think, but then transitioning to a counter attack and disarm was awkward. I see I have room for improvement in generalizing various attacks to try to make faster decisions when someone attacks me a little differently than i have seen before. This wasn’t slow reflexes exactly, it was slow decision making because I was uncertain what I was dealing with.

That makes perfect sense. I have only been taking classes for a few months now, but drilling in class has felt nothing like this. I was lucky enough to have an incredible instructor that really gave me a taste of what this would be like in real life…I think that was his whole point- and it worked. I know I made mistakes, but ever since it has been on my mind. I’m sore as hell still but I keep thinking about how I wish I could do it again and nail it the next time:):.

I’m doing a private class for the first time this week, and I’m actually really excited about it. As tough as the seminar was it has given me a better understanding of what I am doing and why. I’ll let you guys know how it goes – thank you!

[Author]

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