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Forgive me, I know this was beat to death on the old board, but I just got home from class and am a tad peeved. My school, as I have mentioned before has all levels together, and there is a new guy that is really starting to piss me off.
He didn’t watch a class before he signed up, and his first night I was the only girl there. When I walked up to the waiting area his first night, one of the gentlemen I frequently work with was explaining that I had been doing Krav for a while, I thought that was odd, but whatever. Since it was his first night, and there were other new guys there I had no contact with him.
Tonight, his second night, there was another girl there who has been there a few months, and we worked together, again, little to no interaction with this guy. As I was gathering my stuff to leave, I hear him complaining to another guy that I must have cheated on the push ups and crunches because I finished before him, and what BS that was etc etc. I’m pretty strong in the ab and arm department, and certainly don’t need to cheat to finish before this guy.
Obviously I need to talk to the instructor, which I will, ASAP, but is this a common attitude?
I understand it if guys get sick of pairing with girls because their training is impaired by it in some way. There’s one guy, that when he kicks full strength sends me half way across the room–that’s just not a practical situation–I get that. I’ve learned a lot from the experienced men at my school and really appreciate their help, I think they respect me and the other women who train hard regularly.
So, am I just lucky to have great guys at my school? Do other women have to deal with those kind of comments? Any suggestions on approaching the instructor?
The evil part of me wants to partner with him for one night. 😈 But that’s probebly not the best idea.
runnergirl,
While most male students check their ego at the door, just as in regular life, there are always those occasional ones who always have something to prove. I would definitely mention it to your instructor, and let him/her know that as someone who has been there a while and has devoted some hard sweat and money, that you don’t appreciate the attitude of the new guy. Your instructor may have a subtle way of \”educating\” him in such a way that will discreetly put him in his place and make him concentrate on his own training. Or not so discreetly if the guy continues to be a nuisance. Either way, the instructor should be aware of any potential issues like this, since it’s inherently their job to keep the ship sailing smoothly. Good luck.Re: male chauvinist in class….
quote \”runnergirl\:I understand it if guys get sick of pairing with girls because their training is impaired by it in some way. There’s one guy, that when he kicks full strength sends me half way across the room–that’s just not a practical situation–I get that. I’ve learned a lot from the experienced men at my school and really appreciate their help, I think they respect me and the other women who train hard regularly.So, am I just lucky to have great guys at my school? Do other women have to deal with those kind of comments? Any suggestions on approaching the instructor?
The evil part of me wants to partner with him for one night. 😈 But that’s probebly not the best idea.
If I were you I would most definitely go to the instructor as soon as possible, just ask to speak with him/her privately and explain the situation and how it makes you uncomfortable. It probably wouldn’t help to publicly humiliate him in front of the class by you personally messing him up, even though I’m sure it would be a great way to relieve stress and tons of fun 😯
However as a male who has trained with a LOT of females before as well as currently ONLY having a female for a training partner (my fiancee and I have to train alone until we find a school here in Hawaii) I have NEVER felt like my training was impaired or cheated because I was partnered with a female. In the time I’ve been in Martial Arts I’ve helped train women who were weaker than I am and I’ve also trained with women who are significantly more powerful in their strikes than I am not to mention faster. Ability should never be judged by gender, and I think it’s sad that some guys just don’t get it even in 2005. It may be tempting to hear his bones snap beneath your blows, but it ultimately wouldn’t be worth the trouble of gaining an enemy for life.
Your best bet is just to take it up with the instructor and see if it can be resolved as he is a new student and your an older one it’s most likely that he won’t be accepted as a continuuing student. Especially if he’s making the other females uncomfortable as well.
It seems like the problem may be a little bigger than you think. By this, I mean that if this guy is talking like this and continuing, others are probably listening and feeding in a qualifier every once and a while. I could be wrong- most likely the other guys don’t want to rock the boat and get into anything with him.
Seems that the guy is missing two of the more fundamental qualities of a martial artist- being humble (not assuming he’s better than a more experienced student) and personal responsibility (a good martial artist won’t blame others for their performance; he should try to improve his endurance and raise his standard, not deride the standard of others).For the most part, I just hear guys complain that because they’re men, they develop flexibility slower than women. I’m not sure how true this observation is, but I think there’s some truth to it, by my observation.
Well, I’m sure to ruffle some feathers here, but it won’t be the first time. 😉 Why do you care what he says or thinks? How does it effect your training? Has he said or done ANYTHING to YOU?
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I always hear people complaining about this or that or the other in their \”training\”. My answer is, do what you do, ignore the SOB, and just train. You give him too much power and almost legitimize his attitude by devoting energy to this. WHO CARES?–he’s just another dude who hasn’t been enlightened (but is entitled to his opinion, however misguided, I might add.)
Don’t go running to the instructors (what can they do, other than talk to him and \”prove\” his point for him), don’t be out to \”prove him wrong\”, etc. Just train like you normally would, and he’ll either get it or he won’t, and if he doesn’t, he probably won’t last. 8)
I would advise against working with this guy, even if it is to teach him a lesson. There’s nothing to be gained from it. It sounds like this guy has an ego problem and he’s got something to prove. Those are dangerous people to train with.
I’ve seen this before, especially when I was training in BJJ, where an insecure male (usually a newbie) would get his butt handed to him by a more skilled female. So the guy, not being able to handle being beaten by a woman, reverts to pure brute force. And then one or both of them get hurt.
Other than avoiding him, I wouldn’t give the matter much thought. It sounds like you’ve earned the respect of most of your fellow students. And just because they listen to this schmuck doesn’t mean they agree with him. Odds are, they see through his BS just like you do.
Besides, like Ryan said, this guy probably will not last. If he doesn’t have a modicum of respect or humility coming in the door, he’s not going to learn any from going to class twice a week. He’ll get frustrated. He’ll quit. And he’ll blame it on somebody else. Maybe even you.
And so what? Let him. That’s his problem.
I agree with Ryan. Who care’s what this guy thinks? He obviously has some self esteem issues if he’s more concerned about someone else’s progress rather than his own. I can see why you’d be annoyed by someone like that, but it’s really not worth devoting any time or effort to. Maybe give it some time, it’s only his second class, maybe he’ll wise up once he see’s that women can excel just the same as men. Besides I’m sure your classmates know what you’re capable of so this guy is probably just hurting his own reputation. On another note, since when is doing pushups (or any other exercise) a race? Sounds to me like this guy just needs to do some growing, but that’s not your problem, let him deal with it until it directly affects you.
This guy has ‘issues’,not you.
I’m pretty thick skinned with a sense of humor..If someone disses me to another & I hear it ,I may interject some funny response.That defuses the moment & can turn a person from someone antagonistic to me into someone who at least gets along with me..If the guy sees you have a sense of humor,he may curtail his chauvinistic remarks.If the problem continues,then its a kettle of a different color.You may be dealing with a bully.Yes,even though they mainly grow out of this after grade-school,some bullies never grow up.
If the problem is recurrent,only then would I talk to the instructor.There is no reason to allow this immature person to destroy the enjoyment that you get out of class.
Out of curiosity,do you have any female instructors at your school?We have one at our school that could hand out some serious whoop-ass to a guy like that.I mean that in a strictly instructional sort of way of course <gr>
no female instructors..
I think part of the issue is the school is so small, there were 5 people there last night, and 6 the night before. I’ll avoid him if I can, but we all end up working together pretty quick.
I’ll let it go for another week, if he keeps it up, I’ll say something.
The guy is an inch or so shorter and a good 15 lbs lighter, and he’s not catching on fast, so i’m not too scared of him. His kids take karate there, so i don’t think he wants to burn bridges.
He is saying this stuff to the other new guys who hopefully will ignore him. One of them has worked with me and has a healthy respect for my knees and elbows already. 😆
runnergirl,
I’m with Ryan–ignore him as it’s not worth your time. This guy will get his in due time–trust me.
I enjoying training with women and I don’t hold back that much (i.e., I don’t kick them across the room). I do, however, make them train harder by not letting go until I feel a little pain and they perform the technique correctly.
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