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A little brief background on me, Im a 30yo male who is seperated at the time. My wife, exwife, whatever, has a on again off again boyfriend who is heavily into jujitsu and like to throw his wieght around, not only to her, but likes to think he can intimidate me, and ufortunetly my daughter looks up to him for it. Now we have had our share of verbal spats, but one time he decided he was going to push her around infront of me then spit on me as she begged me to leave. I have been fascinated with Krav Maga since i saw it on Discovery chanell, but i guess Im wondering if it would be something that would help in this situation if this looser decides he is going to try something again.
Re: Will this work
I don’t know Florida law, but I suspect that it’s very similar to Massachusetts in the sense that domestic violence means someone’s going to jail. I think that you need to make a phone call or two.
Furthermore, if your daughter is in a house where such activity is taking place, then you need to take some steps to make sure that she is ok. There are usually advocates who can help you in these matters.
Be smart. Even if others decide not to.
Good luck.
Re: Will this work
Take my friend SteveT’s advice. Letting a little girl live and grow up in an environment where she looks up to someone that is physically abusive is not right.
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She has never seen any of it, nor does he do it when the kids are up, he waits like a coward untill they are asleep. She looks up to him because he makes himself out to be a UFC wanna be.
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You seem to be in a situation where the best way to deal with it will have to be legal. You’re in a situation where you know ahead of time that a confrontation may start. Anything that you do at this point is premeditated. You’re also in a situation where you can’t decide the actions of others. Your ex and her boyfriend are going to make choices that they’re going to have to live with. The highest priority at this point seems to be your daughter. Frankly, you’re going to have to make a decision to do what’s best for her and then take steps to make that happen regardless of how it makes you feel and regardless of how it makes her feel about you. Even if you started something like KM, mastered the whole thing in a week, bulked up like mad, and then kicked this guy’s tail, the end result would probably end up leaving you without visitation privileges to your daughter and pretty much shoot any relationship you still have with your ex. Deal with things legally to get your daughter away from it. Even if your daughter looks up to him for being “macho man”, there’s going to come a point sooner or later where she realises the character it takes to make the right decision regardless of your feelings.
Please let us know how things go.
Jesse
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To answer your question, I think it would help, but you should heed the advice here and take the higher ground and bring in the po po and lawyers.
And next time you’re going to be close to the guy, bring some pepper spray. Google Fox Labs.
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You are in a jamÖ I would say protect the children because they are at the mercy of the adults. As for the ex, she is a grown woman and it serves no purpose to be involved in that aspect of their relationship. Is she complaining to you about him? Because that is kind of odd… While he sounds like he is an intimidating jerk, unless he lays hands on her or takes a substantial step to make her believe this, it just “free speech” at this point. I would do what you can through the court and document EVERYTHING.
If she is allowing this behavior then she is the real problem and hopefully she can find assistance through the domestic violence hotline. Honestly, don’t kid yourself that your daughter is oblivious to all of this. Children are so much smarter than we give them credit for, perceptive, sensitive and intuitive. I would wager she knows more than she is saying… they do this to protect everyone involved.
When its time to pick her up from moms, do so in the parking lot of a location and ask that he not be there. If he is, donít speak to him just open the car door and let your daughter in and drive off with a wave and a smile. Please avoid any kind of conflict with them; it would be truly horrifying as a child to see your dad engaged in a physical or even a verbal confrontation. I know it would have terrified me and shaken my world. You sound like your a good dad and I bet you have already thought of this.
Hang in there and let us know how things are going for you, or if you even need to vent a little about it, we’re all here!
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Krav Maga will not help you in this situation. If your ex is bringing in a threat into your daughters life then you need to take legal action. Hiring a PI is coming to mind.
Look…..even if you do kick this guys butt will only cause him to redirect his anger, and thus violence, on to your ex and possible migrate over to your daughter. You cannot win this with self defense. It is your ex that is exhibiting “battered wife” syndrome and that puts your daughter at risk. You can’t chase him off or beat him up because he will just come back into the picture over and over again. Don’t expect your ex to wise up in time. Get a lawyer and quickly discover your options.
Forget about her feelings, this is about your daughter.
Bracius <– Divorced dad that speaks with experience.
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yes she does complain about him and i have seen the physical effects of their fights. They have been many occasions where i have not said or even looked in his direction and he would try to start a fight, but being as i have so much to loose, i walk away. But, i know myself, and i know that at some point he will come back and try to do it all over again because he has been training, that just the verbal confrontations will in no doubt escalate, and i want to be ready to put him on his ass and shut him up. Does that make sense?
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Well this is more serious then if she is being assaulted. But it does not make sense, I am sorry. First of all training or no training he is an a-hole abuser and both your ex and he are teaching your daughter how to be a victim of domestic violence. No training is going to help you kick his butt and keep him away from her and your daughter. The only one that can keep him away is your ex. Let’s say you get in a fight with him that he starts, you kick his butt, he runs away… then next week she takes him back.. How many times are you willing to go through that scenario?
She should not be complianing first of all to you. What does she want? For you to be her knight in shining armor? You are not her protector any longer. When she became your ex, she became your ex-problem. Sorry to be blunt but your daughter is what is the issue is really about. If your ex is getting smacked around, then hand her the DV hotline number , send your prayers her way and get your child the heck out of there! I urge you to go see a lawyer and to do it today.
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quote mnozzolini:yes she does complain about him and i have seen the physical effects of their fights. They have been many occasions where i have not said or even looked in his direction and he would try to start a fight, but being as i have so much to loose, i walk away. But, i know myself, and i know that at some point he will come back and try to do it all over again because he has been training, that just the verbal confrontations will in no doubt escalate, and i want to be ready to put him on his ass and shut him up. Does that make sense?Really?!? Why are you still asking for advice then? Go to Lawyers.com right now or if you already have a lawyer then call her/him right now. Borrow money from family or get a loan. Serious man….this jerk has a pattern of violence and he is in the same house with your daughter. Get a restraining order ASAP. Please tell me that some one else can vouch for this. Does she have a sister or brother that has seen this? Maybe a neighbor? Please please please get your daughter out now.
And no. He will win a fight. If you had been taking Krav for some time and had the reaction time developed, your skills burned into muscle memory, etc etc. then things would be different. Don’t start krav thinking that a level one/two can handle a black belt in JJ. You will lose a fight but you may limit the beating you take. I think everyone here can empathize with you wanting to take Krav for self-defense but this isn’t the time or situation where Krav Maga would be the correct method of defense.
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To add,
The situation is unstable. I grew up in a home enviornment that was violent for many years. My mother did not have the best taste in men when she was younger. I am happy to report that she has remarried and her husband is a remarkable man. Anyways I can tell you that these things have an affect on kids. Whether or not your child has “seen” the violence she is aware of the violence and that is just as bad.
The welfare of the child surpasses the wants and behaviors of the adults! I was not aware of how abusive my mother’s ex husband was. I did not see him hit her but I saw her flinch when he raised his hands during conversations. I was keenly aware of the violence and even as a child it hurt me terribly to know that a man would beat my mother.
With all due respect Sir. I must encourage you to forget about Krav Maga for now. It will not help. Your child needs you to nurture her and teach her that this type of behavior is not acceptable. Everyday you participate in this type of activity is another day that your child will see this as “normal”. Worse than that my friend is that she will seek these type of men for herself when she is of age. Call child protective services immediately. Get counseling for yourself and your child. Even if you think she does not need counseling trust me she does.
Lastly,
At the risk of offending you I think that your wife, ex-wife or whatever is just as guilty as her boyfriend. She has exposed herself and your child to great danger. An abusive Jackass who according to you seems to really enjoy being abusive. This is an explosive element that you can’t control. So go to the authorities. File a statement. Go to family court with your statements and ask the judge for help. Just my opinion. We all hope that your situation changes. Be safe
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Can’t offer much to all the great advice mentioned already. I can only add Call The Florida Department Of Children A Families.
When I was a small child, My biological father was an alcoholic and very abusive. There were many time my Mom went to work with a black eye, busted lip and/or bruises all over her body. Many, many times he would beat me with a belt or a switch until my legs bled. The best thing was when my Mom finally divorced him and took us far away from him. She re-married and I ended up having a wonderful step Dad. I’ve always considered him MY DAD. My biological father nothing but a jerk. I’ve never communicated with hem since my Mom divorced him, that was about 55 or 60 years ago. But, I’ve never forgot how mean he was and have never forgiven him.
Sorry about the sob story, I’m just tryinmg to relate an experience.
Call the Florida Department Of Children and Families now – save the little girl of yours.
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Just an observation from what I’ve read……. And this is purely speculation……
1) If she’s badmouthing him to you,,,,,,,You can bet she’s badmouthing you to him…………He may actually see YOU as a child abuser and acting out of what he “thinks” he knows………. You should call CPS NOW…If someone calls FIRST with mis-information about you they will get the benefit of the doubt……..You will look like you are covering up.
2) I’ve been around athletics most of my life and the behavior you describe sounds a lot like an athlete on steroids……… I’ve seen it many times……normal people can be turned into raging maniacs…….. You did say he was a UFC wannabe…..
Just a few things to keep in mind.
And to re-state what many have stated here….. No crash cource in any Martial Art will prepare you for an altercation against someone with years of training. Now if this is your wake-up call to take your personal safety more seriously,,,,,,,,,,Krav is a great way to go……
If there is an altercation make SURE HE is the obvious INITATOR AND AGGRESSOR………….That way he gets charged with assault…..Not you….
Just my .02
Good Luck….Prayers sent
CCB
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