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I post the following to give all my conservative friends out there a big chuckle…I can just hear it now…
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For those that don’t know about history…Here is a condensed version…
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals; and
2. Conservatives.Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth; the elephant
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated-hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
Hahahaha… That is AMAZING! I must have some liberal ancestory though, because I can’t stomach most American beer!!!
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
dang it…
It was funny until I got to the part about imported beer and raw fish. Surely there must be some exemptions for Guinness and sushi!
Tofu and French food (excluding toast and fries) are definitely liberal though.
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
Well guys, I’m sorry to inform you that yes, you must have some liberal blood in you. Can’t say there’s a fix for that either. You’ll just have to deal with it and find some comfort in the fact that it makes you just a wee bit more humane… or human! :OhMy:
But I know a good group counselor who can give you both a big group hug!!!
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
quote Miriam:But I know a good group counselor who can give you both a big group hug!!!*crickets chirping*
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
So I guess we know where you stand…. thumbsup
This is awsome, I’m already thinking of all the fetchers and hairdressers I can share this logical, common sence with.
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
quote Craig P:So I guess we know where you stand…. thumbsupWell, I can’t tell if your comment was directed towards me or “Mr. Crickets Chirping” below, but if you’re trying to figure out whether I’m on the conservative or liberal side of the evolutionary coin, here’s a few hints:
I refuse to drink domestic beer (unless it’s Sam Adams – the ONLY exception), I used to be a corporate defense lawyer until I saw the light and switched sides (I now do plaintiff consumer litigation), and I absolutely live for sushi.
However… you can toss me a nice piece of red meat anytime – as long as you’re the one BBQ’ing it for me! :D:
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
quote vwr32:dang it…It was funny until I got to the part about imported beer and raw fish. Surely there must be some exemptions for Guinness and sushi!
Tofu and French food (excluding toast and fries) are definitely liberal though.
::High 5:: Preach on, brother!!! I’m more partial to Bodingtons Bitter myself, but Guinness is always a close #2.
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
quote Miriam:Well, I can’t tell if your comment was directed towards me or “Mr. Crickets Chirping” below, but if you’re trying to figure out whether I’m on the conservative or liberal side of the evolutionary coin, here’s a few hints:Sorry for the crickets chirping comment, I’m just not a fan of group hugs. :):
BTW, coins are created, they don’t evolve. Therefore it’s not an evolutionary coin, it’s an intelligently designed coin. rofl2
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
a person from cali who’s not a liberal? that’s as rare as a liberal from indiana! and i should know (i’m a conserative from the great state of indiana and damn proud of it)
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
quote russell:a person from cali who’s not a liberal? that’s as rare as a liberal from indiana! and i should know (i’m a conserative from the great state of indiana and damn proud of it)We have a few pockets of conservative resistance. I can’t go to college here, though. I tried one semester after I got off of active duty and there was a daily anti-war protest with 18 year old kids screaming out things they’d learned from propaganda flyers made by other clueless 18 year old kids. I figured instead of stabbing someone, I’d just use my GI Bill for something else…
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
quote downforlife76:We have a few pockets of conservative resistance. I can’t go to college here, though. I tried one semester after I got off of active duty and there was a daily anti-war protest with 18 year old kids screaming out things they’d learned from propaganda flyers made by other clueless 18 year old kids. I figured instead of stabbing someone, I’d just use my GI Bill for something else…sorry to hear about that, we are very proud of the military around here, in fact the national guard unit is shipping out for it’s second tour in iraq, they had a big send off at the local stadium and it was full(10000 people) not bad for a county of 125000, we will welcome any body who want’s to defect from the republic of california, all you have to do is like cornfields,tractor pulls and lynching liberals!!!!
btw why stab, when you can give a good knee to the mid section or a good palm to the face!, and not go to jail ,most of the police i know wont bust you for attacking a anti war hippe!, since around here most of the police were in the armed forces, 2 are deploying to iraq and i don’t know how many are gone now( our police dept even hired one early before he shipped out, he’s a evansville city police office,shipped to iraq before he got his first paycheck!)
thanks for the service to the people of the united states of america!!!
because of people like you we can have this conversation(or e mail)
russell
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
quote russell:because of people like you we can have this conversation(or e mail)russell
Please don’t assume – and I’m going to suppose that you don’t assume – that just because a person is “liberal” in his or her political thinking, or is against the war, or adverse to the current administration’s decisions concerning the war, that the person does not support our troops. I think many, if not most, of those opposed to the war have been very clear in distinguishing that very essential difference. I think “we” understand that even though we don’t think our troops should be over there, they are there, and as long as they continue to be there, we need to give them all the support they need in order to do their job efficiently and safely so that they can come home.
I love this country, and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else … even though I love visiting Europe (Paris, in particular)…, and I often disagree with many things this country does, both domestically and internationally. I also wholeheartedly support the men and women in our armed forces who risk their lives to ensure that our country continues to exist and thrive in the manner it does.
However, that said, and in response to your quote above, this country is as great as it is because of our differing opinions and ability to express them. What would we be fighting for if we sought to suppress the voices of Americans who render distasteful, opposing (i.e., “liberal”) opinions? :):
Re: Politics & History – that old taboo topic!!
i don’t assume that all liberals are anti war, but in this situation i was supporting a person who is a vet who was offended by a anti war protest, and making a point that in other country’s we could be jailed,tortured or killed for talking or typing our own ideas, if you want to know the truth i’m more consertive than liberal but i support both political groups ideas, im very open minded, i live my life by the idea that our freedom’s are what make america “AMERICA”
and i went to paris once, paris kentucky the city of trailer lights and if you like sushi in kentucky it’s under cooked catfish haha!!!
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